Saturday, October 16, 2010

I Miss Leading Worship

It's always a tough decision to go against the grain - to do what's unpopular. Leaving our old church was an incredibly difficult decision and for me it's been a grieving process for me the past few months. I've had to learn the hard way how to let go. And during that process, I learned how incredibly prideful I've been over these past few years.

Leading the worship ministry at our church was one of my passions in life. It fueled my soul and heart. It picked me up from rough days and weeks. I was part of an amazing community that was transparent and authentic - that wanted to help connect the church with Jesus.

Over the past few months, my fingertips have softened from not playing the guitar. And so has my heart.

A few weeks ago I sought out some pastoral counseling because I realized it was finally time to move forward and to stop living in the past. I found that bitterness settled into my heart, where light and love lived so prevalently. I have some homework that I have been jamming on and I plan to set up some divine appointments with some folks that have been on my heart.

With this realization that I need to repent and to rely completely in Jesus and not of my flesh, I have realized how much I miss leading worship. I have discovered a whole mess of worship music that I wish I could introduce to the church.

But for everything there is a season. And God clearly wants our family to worship together as a family. So I've learned to be content worshiping with the church and not leading worship for the church.